My frustration comes from a place:
My Children. Right-now belong in a better place, and that place is with their father. He is more stable than I am, that’s what I call sacrificial love. There were days when I didn’t have it to give to them, I miss waking up to there foolery in the mornings. My God is sufficient and I believe He will continue to take care of me and them.
People don’t understand my reasoning, but that’s ok I do. I hate depending on people, I hate them throwing things back in my face like whatsoever you have God isn’t the one who gave it to you.
One day all shall see my reasoning, I remember feeling as if my heart was cut into a million pieces. When you love 4 vessels that came out of your womb without anesthesia and people wanna tell you what love or lack thereof you have for them.
There was times my heart bleed, no car, no phone, no money, no place and no cooperation from family. Just cold shoulders and whispers behind close doors. My family did it so why should I expect any different from you, why would I have hope because you name the name of Christ.
When in actuality judgements are here, verdicts are drawn and gavels are slammed stating case closed. Because my need is more prevalent than yours, sacrifice your family once again, whisper and lie once again while you ask for me to uplift and edify you, pray for yours.
When consistently you and your seeds are the ones dividing and conquering mine. But not knowing that all is not as it appears and unless you have walked a day in my shoes, who are you to cast stones.
I have been told to sacrifice when I have sacrificed much this is not the first family but the 4th where I had to continue in this plight.
When will it end?
When I refuse to jump to there rope and dance to the beat of their drum. Invoking a consistent heavenly call.
Truth be told it’s not easy to walk with a Holy God who requires holiness and truth, Selah
Don’t ever pass judgement on those that sacrifice in the name of what’s best.
Example the other day i had provision to see them but in actuality I didn’t wanna do it again 31 days of bliss and then nothing MIA for the next 31 days.
The day will come when I will be able to be consistent and all that pass judgement will eat their words.
For in life there are mountains, valleys and deserts.
Father give me strength to learn and be still and know that you are God.